Teetering

As I write this I find myself in a low spot. Doesn't surprise me much, over the past 6 months I've been in ten dozen other spots that look just like this. So what's the deal then. You know if I knew I don't think it would bother me that much. But fact is, I have no idea why today of all days I just don't care. I don't think it's my relationship, i'm pretty sure i'm happy with that. But I don't know. I don't think it has to do with missing my parents, that shouldn't send me into a spiral. But for some reason I just sit here and think "fuck it". I think a lot of it has to do with money, or well lack there off... I mean i'm used to being broke but this is a whole new broke. I can't even afford to put gas in my car and buy a dollar cheeseburger from mcdonalds. After a while being trapped in the same house, the same room, with the same people... it just becomes unbearable. I would do anything to just get out of here for a day, not even a full day, just a few hours. Without having to worry about how much gas I have left, or if I spend 5 dollars on food will I have enough money the next time someone asks me for it to help buy something for the house? Little things like that make going out just as bad as staying in. Even if I'm with somebody else, then it's just as bad and awkward. I can't decide if whether my decision to move up here was a mistake or not.  All I know is that I need to get out of this slump, for good. I've been teetering on the edge of sanity and a deep black hole of misery for a while now. It takes a lot of strength to climb, and so very little force to fall in head first...